Six is Ten
by FairDrea
Summary: Crackfic! Boredom leads Donnie down a path he should not have traveled and the results…a contest between brother's that has nothing to do with their training! Suggestive theme.


**Authors Note:** Warning – Crackfic! This is the result of one very random…and very NOT clean conversation between myself, Mikell and DivaDanni. This is what happens on five hours of sleep and too much coffee combined with ultimate fangirl. Nothing is stated outright…but I think you'll all get the jist of the fic. Enjoy and I hope you get a good laugh! And guys….I'm sorry. But I have a husband. I know you've all done it at one point or another.

Huge thanks to Mikell for being my supremely amazing beta and thanks for getting such a kick out of this hun, and the suggestions…and, well, everything. Thanks to Polaris and DivaDanni for allowing me to use you in this fic. Polaris, I know you didn't verbally state that you wanted it..but I'm sure you did ;) Love you all!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own TMNT and make not profit from the writing of the fic.

**Six is Ten**

There was this thing…it was called boredom…and usually Donatello did not fall victim to it. If and when he did, he could easily find himself some tech-related project to keep his mind occupied. For some reason though – maybe it was being cooped up in the Lair too long due to the abnormal, cold and over-all miserable weather that has been plaguing them for a week, maybe it was the fact that he may have, at some point in his 26 years of existence, out-tech'ed himself – he couldn't find a single thing that he actually _wanted_ to do to occupy his time. Right now the only options he had facing him were to go sit between Raph and Mikey while they practiced the age-old art of remote keep-away, train with Leo, meditate with Splinter, or fix the toaster….again. He mentally ticked off each option in his head as he sat in front of his computer staring blankly at the screen. Dangerous, boring, no offense Sensei but boring, and there was a limit on how many times a person would willingly fix a kitchen appliance. He'd hit it years ago.

"Uuuuuugh," he groaned for lack of anything better to do. His fingers twitched on his keyboard – restlessly, nervously. He started to rethink joining Raph and Mikey when he heard Mikey's shout of denial followed by the aluminum crash of several emptied pop cans against the concrete floor of the Lair. Nope, not a good idea to get in the middle of that, no matter how bored he was.

He swiveled back and forth in his chair, listening to the rusty groan of the aged metal, trying to think of something, _anything_ to do. Suddenly he stopped moving and jerked upright in his chair, a conniving grin curling the corners of his wide mouth. The one thing he'd forgotten…and how could he? There was nothing more interesting than applying his "skills" to the very rewarding past-time of hacking into a current fan-girl's computers to find out just what was being said about him and his brothers. It had been a while since the last time he'd done so, stumbling into a chat between three authors. What were their names?

He tapped his fingers over the keyboard again, not actually pressing the buttons – just providing himself with a little background music as he thought. It was kind of like Jeopardy…but less obnoxious and there was no overly-pleasant tune to tell him when his time was up on his thought process. Names, names, names…oh yeah! Mikell, that was one of them. And Polaris and DivaDanielle, those were the other two. He chuckled softly as he remembered the insanity and pure randomness of that particular conversation. He'd come up with one conclusion after his escapade into fangirl-dom. They were pure crazy. The conversation had been relatively mild when it came to him and his brothers, but not so much so that he couldn't figure out each fan's favorites.

He needed new blood though. He slipped onto one of the more massive fan-based fiction websites and pursued the selection until he found what he wanted.

"Hello, FairDrea," he murmured, clicking on the author's name to get to her bio page, his grin widening marginally. "Prepared to be hacked."

It took him no time at all to find an email address. Hacking into her computer proved to be a different matter all together. Firewalls everywhere. Eh, minor road blocks to which he enjoyed the challenge of knocking over. In a matter of minutes he was in and, lucky for him, able to inconspicuously take part in a three way chat between FairDrea, Mikell and DivaDanielle.

_Should have figured those three for friends,_ he thought with an amused shake of his head. A happy sigh left him as he settled back, prepared to fully enjoy the benefits of his hacking. It wasn't long before he figured out he was getting a _lot_ more than he had bargained for.

Within mere seconds the polite…well, mildly polite (this FairDrea chick seemed to have a crude nature that would rival Raph's on a bad day) conversation went straight from three women complaining about their weight to measurements. Measurements of which he had to do a complete double take and stop himself from sliding right off his chair in shock as he re-read the conversation.

Mikell: Do you know why women have a hard time measuring?

FairDrea: Umm…no

DivaDanille: Because I have to convert the measurements all the time to understand what you two are talking about?

Mikell: Lol. No. Because men are constantly telling us 6 is 10.

DivaDanielle: *groans*

FairDrea: You know who probably wouldn't be lying about that?

Mikell: You're going to go there…aren't you?

FairDrea: Dude, Raph would be well above that and then some, no lying at all.

DivaDanielle: O.O

FairDrea: Oh, don't even act shocked. You were thinking the same thing. Bet if they saw this now, Raph would totally agree with me!

Mikell: ROFLOL. Drea, girl…I just don't know about you sometimes. We need to change the subject because I'm laughing too hard to type.

Donnie read the conversation over…and over…and yet again over. It was like a car accident. He couldn't seem to pull his gaze away from it. His mouth worked, his brain tried to comprehend what he was seeing. Were they talking about the size of their-?

"Hey brainiac."

"AHH!" His shrill scream could have outdone Mikey's. That's exactly what Donatello was thinking as he jumped a good two feet in the air and came down awkwardly on his chair, catching it with the edge of his shell and sliding off to land in a heap halfway under his desk.

"Holy crap," Raph managed through his laughter. "Whatever can make Donnie jump like that _has_ to be good!"

Raph made to sit in his vacated chair and Donnie jerked up, catching his head on the edge of the desk in the process which only served to make Raph laugh that much harder. "Easy there, Donnie."

"Raph…wait. Don't-."

It was too late though. The damage…and yes, Donnie would call it damage because anything that could possibly add to Raph's ego was going to end up damaging the rest of them…had already been done.

"What the…what is this?" Raph asked, his eyes widening as he read over the chat. "Who the hell is FairDrea and why does she want to measure my-."

"Raph, stop," Donnie pleaded, shoving his brother aside and finding himself eternally grateful for the rolling chair.

"No! No no no no…I wanna see this." Raph gripped the edge of the desk, fighting back to maintain his spot in front of Donnie's wide screen. "It's just getting…whoa…"

Donatello was almost afraid to look. No, scratch that…he was terrified to look. He couldn't possibly see how their chat could get any more indecent. The way Raph was staring at the screen though…oh good Lord…there was the car accident feeling again.

His head was turning. He didn't want it to…but it was and then he was doing what Raph was doing. Reading…and gawking.

Mikell: *erases archives* Sorry Don. You're not hacking into this THIS chat.

FairDrea: No kidding. He does not need to see that.

Mikell: nope

FairDrea: I can see the hacking of this chat turning into a measuring contest

DivaDanielle: A…measuring…contest?

Mikell: ROFLMSOAO (Donnie had to blink at that particular acronym. Was there really that many ways to laugh in a chat?)

Mikell: I can hear Mikey now. No fair! You're sticking your hips out. And Don…"You've got to measure from the *base*…"

"Dude…I…what…" Raph sputtered. "Who _are_ these girls?"

Donatello shook his head, stunned. He hadn't expected this. He hadn't wanted to be bored anymore. He'd wanted something interesting. This was one of those moment…those "be careful what you wish for" moments that could only end up worse by-.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?"

Yup…Mikey. The situation had just gotten a million times worse.

"Nothing," Donnie said, quickly moving to stand in front of the computer screen, unceremoniously shoving Raph out of the way and ignoring his arguments. "It's nothing Mikey."

"That…was not _nothin'_!" Raph said, shoving back. "Do you actually know these girls, Don?"

"Wait..girls?" Mikey was across the room before the words had even tripped their way out of his hormonal mouth. "Donnie knows girls!"

"Probably a hell of a lot better than we even know he knows them! Don, move."

"No! You guys…seriously. I don't know them." He struggled to maintain his hold on the desk with Raph trying to pry him off. "Raph, knock it off!"

And then Mikey was there, helping Raph. Of course he was helping Raph. Why _wouldn't_ he be helping Raph? Donnie struggled against both of them, warding them off as best he could while trying to unplug the PC. He knew fighting them was pointless though when he caught the look that passed between them – that silent agreement to tag team. He hated that look. Hated it mostly because he was always the one they ended up using that look with. And there was always one outcome. He gave one last courageous effort, grasping desperately for the power cord.

"Oooh, no you don't."

Raph grabbed his wrist, then twisted his arm around and behind him. He had no choice but to give up and move in the direction Raph was shoving him. Having your arm twisted behind your back was one thing. Having your arm twisted behind your back when there was an added shell to said back…was another thing entirely. All that was left to do now was stand aside and wait.

"Dude…are they talkin' about-?"

"Yeah, Mikey. That's exactly what they're talkin' about." There was a pause followed by an outburst of laughter from both Raph and Mikey. "Man, this Drea chick is graphic!"

"Graphic," Mikey agreed, then added. "And totally wrong. Everyone knows I've got the biggest."

"What? No way, Bro!"

"Yes way!" Mikey argued obnoxiously. "We should tell them that. Don, how can I tell them I've got the biggest?"

"Number one," Donnie started, turning back to face his two brothers after gritting his teeth and counting to five. "You can't tell them. I hacked into one of their computers so you can't participate in their chat. Number two-." He was asking for it. He really was. But there was something in him, something decidedly prideful and male, that couldn't help pointing out, "you have zero proof that you've got more to work with than either of us."

The silence was deafening and thick, falling like a bag of quickcrete. Raph and Mikey stared at Donnie as if they'd never seen them before, their mouths hanging open in expressions of pure astonishment. The happy chirp of the chat window broke the silence and Mikey turned back to see the latest entry, then slowly looked to his purple masked brother, a grin transforming his face.

"You know…there's one way we could find out."

Which was…much to Donnie's mortification…exactly what they did. Donnie didn't know what made him feel worse – the fact that he knew where every measuring device in the Lair was and had them cataloged and stored, the fact that he did nothing to stop Raph or Mikey from getting their hands on them, or the fact that he now, five minutes later, stood next to his computer desk with one of the tape measures in hand.

"She said base, right?" Mikey asked, glancing back at the chat and making his very Mikey sound of frustration when he saw how far the convo had moved from their crucial information. "You sure I can't get in on this chat?"

"Why," Raph asked from his place in Donnie's chair. He was fully reclined and methodically pulling the retractable steel rule he held from its casing and letting it snap back against the metal cover. "You wanna ask one of em how to go about measuring mutant turtle anatomy?" He chuckled and shook his head. "Bunch a' crazy fan chicks and you just wanna give 'em ammo. I don't think it's gonna be that hard to figure out."

"What's not going to be that hard to figure out?"

Donatello winced when he heard Leo's voice. He was suddenly wishing he had a black hole or something equally impressive to disappear into. Maybe that swirling vortex to another world Mikey had wanted. Yeah, one of those would be amazing right about now.

"Leo!" Mikey jumped away from the desk and rushed across the room, grabbing Leo's wrist and yanking him over to the computer. "You've gotta see this, Bro. There's these chicks…Donnie hacked into one of their computers-."

"You did what?" Leo demanded, shooting an angry glare at Donnie as Mikey dragged him past the purple-masked turtle.

At this point, Donnie just didn't care. He rolled his eyes, gave Leo a bemused grin and shrugged. He wasn't capable of doing much else, or caring to do much else really.

"Dude, look at what they're saying!"

Mikey pointed to the screen, then proceeded to hover around Leo as the eldest read the chat. The color very slowly drained from the eldest's face. His jaw went slack.

"I think we need to prove them wrong," Mikey muttered after what he apparently deemed a suitable amount of time for Leo to get caught up. "I mean seriously…if that's what fans are doin'…goin' around and talking about which one of us is better off, we gotta set the record straight."

Raph grinned, aiming a sidelong look at the chat. "I dunno. I think they got it right. Two outta three of them fans right there," he pointed the tip of the retractable rule at the chat screen, "seem to know exactly which one of us dominates in that specific category. I ain't about to argue with 'em."

Catching the way the light glinted off the abused rule, Leo looked down, his jaw dropping even further if possible. "Please…please tell me you weren't thinking about actually finding out!"

"Why not?" Raph asked, giving him a smug look. "Not like we got a whole lot goin' on right now anyway."

"No kidding. I've been goin' stir crazy," Mikey added. "Might as well make the trip worth it."

Leo looked back and forth between Raph and Mikey, hardly believing what he was hearing. Then his disbelieving gaze settled on Donnie. "You were actually thinking about doing this too?"

Again, Donnie shrugged helplessly. "I was bored."

"Come on, Fearless," Raph taunted with a dark chuckle.

Leo shook his head vehemently, crossing his arms over his chest. "No. Absolutely not."

"Aw, come on. It's not a big deal, bro. Unless…"

There was that pause, Donnie thought, resisting the urge to shake his head. That dramatic "Raph pause" that let everyone know, in no uncertain terms, that he was about to call Leo out and make damn sure that if Leo stuck to his guns, he was going to feel like crap for doing so.

"You're afraid of losin' to me."

The atmosphere shifted dramatically. Both Mikey and Donnie held their breath, mentally preparing for and expecting the worst. The oldest slowly turned to face his younger, red-masked brother, his eyes narrowed. Leo versus Raph, the 758,356th match was now underway. Then Leo did something entirely unexpected. He held out his hand. The silence was broken a moment later by the upset jangle of the carpenter rule being dropped carelessly in his palm.

Splinter hummed softly to himself as he shuffled down the hallway, tapping the worn end of his cane against the pavement as he went in time to the beat of the tune stuck in his head. He had one goal today and that was to sit on the couch with a hot cup of tea, enjoy the abnormal silence of his sons, and watch his stories. Donna had just told Cody that they were long lost twins, separated at birth. The results of this sudden turn were sure to be entertaining. He chuckled as he thought of possible outcomes then came up short, the sounds of his sons arguing stalling him.

Normally, his sons arguing wouldn't deter him from an afternoon of soap operas. The location of where they were choosing to do so however, would. The arguing was coming from Donatello's lab. His lab was his sanctuary. He rarely ever allowed his brothers entrance, no matter how incessant they were to gain it.

He made his way carefully towards the noise, his feet trading silently over the cool concrete.

"Dude, I don't think I can get to the base," Michelangelo was saying, frustration edging his words. "You know every time I said 'man I love being a turtle'? I take it back!"

Raphael's voice immediately followed. "You need to relax, Bro."

"Yeah, because that's what this little experiment makes us all feel…totally relaxed," Donatello threw in sarcastically.

Splinter rounded the corner to Donatello's lab, his brow furrowed in confusion. Raphael and Michelangelo had their backs to the doorway, Donatello stood opposite them, his eyes rolled up toward the ceiling. It almost looked as if he were praying. Leonardo stood to the side, leaning against Donatello's computer desk and toying idly with a retractable carpenter's rule.

"My sons?" he questioned, loudly enough so that his voice carried over Raphael and Michelangelo's bickering.

Leonardo's head jerked up and he released the end of the retractable rule. It slid back into its casing with a loud _shhhhhhuunk_. Raphael and Michelangelo immediately whirled to face their father, their hands whipping behind their backs to hide whatever it was they were holding.

"Hello Sensei," they chorused nervously.

He scanned their faces, moving slowly from one to the next and watching as each one twitched anxiously under his speculative gaze. Then he shook his head, muttered, "teenagers" and walked away. Some things, he decided, he was just better off not knowing.


End file.
